Synchronicity, or?
Through what has been and become a very hard year, and as the portion of my life I can write about in (semi)public keeps shrinking, small bits of magic are sustaining me. Here's one.
Ok, so to understand this beautiful, strange sort of oracle of a thing, you have to know that I have this sweet deck of cards called Wild Chorus from Abacus Corvus. There's a story of how they came into my life which I half remember, but that's not the point right now, this is all just context. I pull them from time to time for people I love, and for myself. A friend has the same deck - and sent me a voice memo some weeks ago, following on a conversation and some hard things we each were experiencing. She shared this rhythm of cards she had pulled: May I experience this Completely, Share the Risk, May I experience this completely. And then she fed back to me words from Malinda Maynor Lowery that I shared in a prior post: Admit. Atone. Act. Rest. Repeat.
Life kept happening, weeks passed and I had not responded yet, and in a moment of everything-is-an-emergency, I listened again, having forgotten the original content. If I could tell you the full context this would all make more sense, but in any case, picture me, listening in wide-eyed awe, standing under an oak tree on the edge of woods as it began to rain, an animal on the earth holding a piece of metal and stone that is tearing us up even as it connects us, watching the clouds come down the hill. The just right medicine for the moment, sent forward in time from when they meant something else, something particular to her, and to the me-of-then.
May I Experience This Completely, and Share the Risk, from Abacus Corvus’ Wild Chorus
Even though it is not physically possible for me to completely experience what is happening these days without becoming overwhelmed, it's clear that this current process, as it has a chance to be felt over time, is changing me - Will change me, if I let it.
Even though it is not possible to fully share the risk of this moment there are people willingly and capably bearing it with me.
Even though accountability has been abdicated in awful ways, I (and those willing) can continue to practice it on behalf of all we care about.
I think what this little oracle gave me - gave me back, because it had already been absent or obscured in a fog of depression and perimenopausal yuck - was something essential about my nature: that I locate support, magic, and sustenance even during times of deep disorientation and devastation.
I actually don't know if I believe in true synchronicity, I certainly don't understand the mystery of how the stars seem to align in incredible and terrible ways. Part of me believes in the benevolence of the universe and part of me says, how on earth would the universe be caring about us when it's busy holding dying stars and creating more of itself? I believe this too, even though I've experienced a ton of what my mind calls magic that could be its own process of seeking information and grabbing onto patterns, making them make sense. But I like the sense it makes (well, sometimes I don't actually, but I like the sense-making, if that makes sense). I like that it always seems to bring me closer to myself and other people and the world. I like that it increases my capacity to do what I need to do, in accordance with my values and in service to whom and what I love, even when it's hard. I love that it brings me out of the fog and into clear sight. So, if synchronicity is real, it is wondrous. And if my brain just happens to be wired this way, well - that's also a miracle. I don't need to know how it all works in order to be fed.
